Maybe I wasn't right about this...

Oooh, two in one day. Wowie.

So was studying with Mark this evening and got talking. Mark's trying to find a place to live because he wants out of UBC housing (long rant). He said that if he didn't find a place by June 15 he was just going to move back up to Kamloops. I sat and said nothing but inwardly went "what?? kamloops??? am I not enough to keep you in Vancouver??". I don't know if he said it to see my reaction but I doubt that, boys aren't that manipulative. Still, I was surprised. Oh, and then he made mention of "if this relationship ever becomes serious..." What are we doing? Just in it for the sex (actually, I'd be okay with that, provided last night was a one off). Again, it made me stop and think. Maybe this is just a casual relationship. And if it is, does that mean I can date other people? Or does that mean it's not going to last? Summer fling? I kinda wish he hadn't said that. I also kinda wish I had taken more time with him. I realized that all we really do is go to school together and sleep together. Kind of a different relationship if you ask me. And every time we try and do something, we either decided we're too tired or we're too late or whatever. Makes me wonder if I should shake things up. Oh, and if all that wasn't enough, it looks like we're going to continue the week of seeing the ex-boyfriends. I have lunch with Andrew on Tuesday.

Two isn't always better than one

So I'd always read articles about women talking about sex being boring and how you just look at the ceiling and wait until it's over while going over your grocery list, your to-do list and what clothes need to be taken to the cleaners. I'd never had that happen to me until last night. I don't know what the problem was. I'm tempted to chalk it up to the hormones interferring with my sex drive but I wonder if it was something else. Mark was grumpy when I got there and, despite my attempts, never really improved in mood. Now, I understand that he's got a lot to deal with - we both do. But I was almost tempted to just cancel the date before it happened. It was too hot out and I just didn't quite get the vibe from him that I have previous. So we eventually got onto the sex and couldn't get a position that worked. It just seemed ... monotinous. We both fell asleep after and, at 1:30, I woke up and left. Usually it's a difficult decision to leave or stay but, somehow, this time it was easy. I wanted back into my bed which was bigger than Mark's twin with cotton sheets and nice pillows. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with him, I just didn't want to be there. The whole 'res room' thing kind of bothers me. It's so small, I never know where to sit or what to do. And the bed really isn't designed to fit one let alone two so one of you ends up being uncomfortable.

And, if that wasn't enough, the night before James and I talked for an hour and a half about us. It's the first time I've ever seen him show any kind of emotion or wanting. It almost felt me feel wanted and needed. Almost. But when I kissed him it was nothing like kissing Mark. Maybe there's more physical chemistry with Mark. Well, scratch the maybe. But I wonder if James' interests run closer to my own. Mark has my parents and Sara in his column while James has my best friend in his column. I just don't know which column I fall into. And, at the end of the day, that's what matters. I just have to decide where to put my line.